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How Dostoevsky Cured My Alcoholism or: Pissing on Hunter Thompson's Grave

What you have to understand about my company’s recognition banquet is that it’s really a team building exercise by way of a massive group bender. The banquet is always on a Thursday. They let us out of work at 11:30. The doors of the hall open at noon and food is served at 12:30. Ostensibly this hour gap gives the fashion-conscious time to get prettied up. Tacitly, this hour is provided for smoking up, slamming beers in the parking lot, or quaffing whisky shots at one of the many taverns stationed between work and the hall. When you arrive at the banquet you’re handed two drink tickets by someone from HR. There are bars set up in the hall on the way to the main ball room. There is a nice buf

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